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Don't get me wrong, it was beautiful. It had a wonderful glossy finish and it was engraved. Inside that innocent little Nike shoe box was a dildo! Who the hell would send me a dildo?I rushed back up to my room, keeping the box securely closed under my arm. I closed my door, set the box on the bed and opened it again. I took out the remaining brown paper, tossed it into the trashcan, sat down beside the present and, without touching it, sat there and studied the object.It was a work of art as far as dildos go. It was carved out of oak and had been stained a deep dark, reddish brown and it was engraved. I leaned down and closely inspected the engravings. Starting at the base, the thickest part, there was a picture of a woman laid out on her back. She was naked with her legs spread and with a dildo sticking out of her cunt. An inch up from that was another scene; this was of a woman, also naked, on all fours with a dildo sticking in her ass. An inch up from that was a picture of the. He must have popped about five or six rounds my way before I heard the sweetest sound this side of a woman screaming out your name in ecstasy: the click of the magazine door opening on a 5mm pistol. The fucker was out and I don't care how good you are, it still takes seconds to reload, so unless he had another piece in his other hand — something I couldn't do a damn thing about — he was mine!Standing up I threw the plate at him like it was a Frisbee, you know, those little plastic saucers kids toss back and forth. He might have been reaching under his windbreaker for a reload or maybe another gun but when he saw that plate heading for him he tried to duck. Bad move! I've always said I'd rather be lucky than good and this was one of those times. I'd thrown the plate upside down — unintentionally, I assure you — and it dipped right before it got to him so as he ducked it hit him right in the forehead causing him to drop the empty gun. I'm sure it dazed him a bit but I wasn't about to.
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